Midlife Crisis

It is more than just a kickass song by Faith No More. Midlife crisis is very much a real and largely not talked about. We usually just pass it off as blame. "What's wrong with (fill-in the blank)?! They have everything but just can't seem to get it together". Most likely whatever is wrong with FitB if they are in their 30s is a midlife crisis. 

"I don't see myself going through a midlife crisis, I have a pretty solid head on my shoulders" Oh those are fateful words! We pretty much all go through it, but are either unaware of what it is or completely in denial. Being unaware is the most common. Nobody wants to talk about midlife crisis, it's embarrassing. Everyone has this pejorative in their head of some skeezy dude with a small weiner driving around in a convertible, but the reality is that it is far wider reaching than Leisure Suit Larry. It's Small Office Sally who begrudgingly gets up and goes to her mundane job all the while wondering why life seems like a routine and the interest is gone. It's Business Bob that takes his kids to soccer games and can't help feeling a little angry at the ability to play and be careless that his kids have. It's Stay at Home Suzie who loves her children and handling all that is the daily grind of keeping a house together, but feels like she has lost her identity in the process. 

Knowing that you or someone you are close to is going through a midlife crisis is important to making it through it. Signs of midlife crisis:

Depression - also another uncomfortable topic and one that will be addressed in another entry
Feeling like life is routine, boring, monotonous. That you NEED excitement in your life.
Feeling unhappy for no apparent reason. Just general disgust with the world around you, including your own part in it. 
Being emotional and overwhelmed. 
Looking for something that is "missing" but you just can't pin down what it is. 
Feeling distracted sometimes hung up on the whatifs.
Feeling like you have missed out on good times and resenting others for it.
Loss of interest and joy in normal activities 

I have come to reckon midlife crisis to a second teenage coming. It feels like being a teenager again! We are moody, uncertain, selfish, angsty, disillusioned and really unhappy, plus we could sleep for like 8 days straight if EVERYONE WOULD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! 

Suddenly, we feel all of this pressure crashing down on us. It appears out of nowhere and you realize that you haven't been legitimately happy in weeks and start wondering what is wrong with you. There isn't anything wrong, it's just another growing phase. If any of the people who happen to read this drivel have children, you will know what I mean by growing phase (bitchy/bossy growing phase, whining growing phase, not eating growing phase, being a jerk to everyone phase, acting like a baby phase) The pressure is internal and external. 

Internally we are completely disillusioned with the world around us, what we thought it would be, how we thought we would be, how we thought we were going to impact the world. We have become the uncool adults that we swore we would never be. Gone is the apathy of the 20s and it is being increasingly replaced by jading life experience and glaring reality. We thought we would be more than this - more important, more successful, more stable. We don't meet our own expectations, but we can't meet our expectations because WE don't even know what that is. Nothing is enough. Most of us have this seemingly perfect exterior life, our public facade if you will. All the while we are being great actors because our internal dialogue screams at us that we are anything but perfection. We are confused, feel like we don't have the answers to solve the problems, we are frustrated. Worst of all, we can't seem to save ourselves from the downward spiral. We dislike ourselves.  

External pressure is secondary, but equally impacting. We feel like we have to keep up this facade of perfection, less risking the judgement from others. We don't want to embarrass our children or parents with our behavior or feelings while trying to sort this out. Worse yet - if you have a tween or teenager while going through this second teenage coming! Trying not to butt heads and communicate without completely ripping your parent/child relationship feels almost impossible. How does someone who is moody and irritable find a way to keep a healthy relationship with someone who is selfish and short-sighted? Just basic communication can seem like a trying task because we are so disillusioned with the world around us that we just want to hide. We don't like anyone, we don't want to be around anyone. There is also a problem this generation of midlifers have that our parents didn't - "modern pressures". Modern pressures are things like cellphones, internet and both parties in the home having 40+ hour work weeks. We simply aren't ever allowed a time to not be responsible and that is very wearing. Could you imagine a time when if you didn't want to be around someone that you could just go for a walk, not talk to anyone or to be accessible and not have them freaking out?! Most of my friends have been trained to not expect me to reply right away because that was an expectation that I just couldn't keep up with. We have to be selfish enough to take time away from answering others so that we can listen to ourselves. 

What it boils down to is that midlife crisis is an identity crisis. We are trying to figure out who we are in comparison to what we thought we would be. We don't exactly fit the measuring stick of everyone else for what is success. We are angry because we should be, this isn't what we thought it would be. That anger of a midlife crisis is what molds us into who and what we really will be. Anger isn't all bad, it's a great catalyst and that is what it should be used as. Use your anger of your midlife to find the passion that you will need to make the rest of your life feel more successful and satisfying. 

I have been out of my midlife for a couple of years now, but there is still that occasional tugging reminder that malaise is still lurking.  The good news is that on the other side of midlife, there is a bit of solace. You find whatever it is that makes you happy, you find a sort of peace with the way things are. Don't get me wrong, things still get to me, I still get pissed off and boy do I ever! The difference now is I know what anger I can do something about and change and what anger belongs to someone else. The biggest lesson to all of this is to just get out of your own head! It's a scary place in there! Other people have been through it and chances are that your friends are going through it too. Have a little bit of understanding and a whole lot of patience - you will be ok.